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Police Emergency

Police Emergency is a performance piece delving into real life stories from the underbelly of Sydney, Australia.

Absurdly funny yet deadly serious, Police Emergency looks through the eyes of an ‘Emergency 000′ worker and is a gripping journey incorporating true story narrative, comedy, video projection and live music.


Police Emergency has been performed at various venues around Sydney including The Lansdowne Hotel, The Cad Factory, The Basement and Sidetrack Theatre. The show then traveled to The Edinburgh Fringe Festival July 2006, where it was performed twenty five times over twenty four nights and in 2008 Police Emergency was curated into the Brisbane Festival “Under The Radar” program.

Real Life 000 calls


POLICE EMERGENCY “How long must I wrestle with wild dogs in Australia for my children to be free?”

POLICE EMERGENCY “This morning, at 9am, I witnessed Adolf Hitler, the leader of Germany enter the country. He is now staying at the Chevron hotel in Sydney City. He is wearing a soft cap and he looks a little older than he used to.”

POLICE EMERGENCY “I can smell murder coming from my roof and there are diapers, body parts and gall bladders all over my yard.”

POLICE EMERGENCY “I came to stay at this backpackers two weeks ago and now that I am trying to leave they are telling me that they have changed it into a psychiatric hospital and I’m not allowed to go. It’s not fair, I only came here for a holiday.”

POLICE EMERGENCY “I’m trying to do a wee, but it won’t come out.”

POLICE EMERGENCY “Outside, there are these two men in space suits and they are emitting toxic fumes.”

POLICE EMERGENCY “That thorny plant that is growing in my garden, they’re the exact same thorns that were used on Jesus’ head.”

POLICE EMERGENCY “My neighbours are using their psychic powers to make my cat sick.”

POLICE EMERGENCY “I got married 6 days ago, and my husband has been drunk ever since. Can you come and take him away? I’m sick of him.”

POLICE EMERGENCY “First they shoved me, then they removed all my skin.”

POLICE EMERGENCY “Hi Police? Outside my house there are these two people hitting a piece of ground with a stick. It is the same piece of pavement that two people were hitting with a stick earlier today. I think it’s a different stick though.”

POLICE EMERGENCY “I need you to organise composting bins to be installed in the hospital here, cos people keep dying of hepatitis and all the bins are dirty.”

POLICE EMERGENCY “I have 400 newspapers which I sort into piles of 3. I then put them as one layer on my bed. My bed is made of metal and if you saw it you would realise that it is very sensible.”

POLICE EMERGENCY “I wanna make a complaint against the local police, they keep doing shits in my goulash. I’m sick of there being copper piss and shit in my goulash.”

POLICE EMERGENCY Somebody has been stealing all my tea, honey and sugar. It’s all right though, cos on Thursday my brains are getting delivered and once I eat them, I’ll be clairvoyant and I’ll know who’s stealing everything.”


POLICE EMERGENCY “Dave just stole my heroin, can you come and get him?”

POLICE EMERGENCY “Oh hello, my next door neighbour just knocked on my door, he was extremely drunk and naked. He said he was going to the toilet in his own unit, but accidentally opened the wrong door and locked himself out . I gave him a towel, but now he has walked off. Can you send the police to maybe get my towel back?”



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